Here's a mindspew

I'm pretty tired of it. Time and again I have demonstrated my character as a person, an artist and as a man. I know where I'm at in my life at this point. I saw my path years ago while everyone else was out still trying to figure out how to get by without mom or dad by your side. I set on that path knowing that I will not stop for anyone or anything and that my ultimate destination is where I choose it to be. Along the way, I've extended my hand to a few people, offering everything I have as a human, artist and man. My time, my money, my art, my heart, and I, are all that I can offer. I know where I stand in comparison to most people and now have a concept of my value. If I was willing to let you in, there was a reason. If I gave you a second chance, there was a reason for that too. I no longer have anything to prove to you, me or anyone else. I'm still on my path. I had hoped to be able to take the people that I care about with me, and I will, but where will you stand on that side of the line? Just another person I left behind, or one by my side?

I can only give so much. You can take the time and money I offer, but that's all you can take from me. I'm done devaluing myself. Certainly not going to waste time on the unappreciative. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Side note: silence is by far the worst way to resolve an issue. It leaves both sides feeling like there is something that needs to be said. Words work way better than walls. Tear down your walls. This blog is me doing the same. Speak your mind. Say what needs to be said rather than letting it fester. I hate that crap.

That's what I have to say.



I'm tired of it, done being a floor mat. Prove your worth to me, before I let you in again.

A Poem: The Face of Adversity

Yesterday this popup book world seemed to collapse
The Earth stood still
The wind did no blow
The sun did not shine
They just were
And there it was right in front of me
The face of adversity staring me right in the eyes
I stared right back
Only to find me looking at myself
Blocking my own path
The paths of destiny co mingle with those of fate
Twisting and turning like a gardener's maze
As if they are trying to confuse you
You can hear their giggles
"Does this amuse you?"
Well have your fun
Because I've played this game now for many years
This maze is no maze at all
There is a start and an end
What lies between makes no difference
My path is straight
and emblazoned in gold
I feel the fingertips of emotion trying to pull me back
Begging me to stay just a little longer
But all the while I see the truth
Shimmering in front of me
Dangling like a carrot
This is what I deserve
And I know that now
So they can try to stop me
They can try to slow me down
But their efforts are futile
I was born a champion
And no one, and nothing
especially not adversity,
will stop me.

A Poem - What is everything?

Here's something I wrote in one shot tonight....let me know what you think.

What if you get everything you wanted
and realized it wasn't enough
I had this thought just yesterday
And had to ponder.
Let my mind wander
And even stumble over a few bumps in the road

Take the road less traveled on...
Or was it take the yellow brick road...
What if you don't take a road
But you fly, or walk
Teleport
Then balk, at the opportunity
And you're left wondering
"so what does this do for me?"

They say, "Hey, I can take to you to the promise land"
But, it will cost you a pretty penny
And be left asking, "can I bum a boge man?"
What is a promise
If it's made by a man?
How can someone look like he's climbing up
But is actually running in quicksand?

I know it's a lot of questions
But they're the one's I have
But what everything is not everything
They make it out to be?
What if everything is what I have right now
Well....
That's perfectly ok with me.

Adversity

Well today, my younger brother got into a car accident.  He's completely fine...and obviously that is the primary concern.  It actually seems it was not his fault either, which is also a good thing.  To me, this is just another thing to add to the laundry list of things that life has thrown at me recently, but I refuse to let them dictate the direction of life.  2010 is here and with it comes a life change for me and I'm so ready for it.  This, not having a car is sure to slow me down as far as being able to get places, but it will not stop me from getting places, if you know what I mean.

All this has me thinking, and I can't help but relate it back to what I learned in my years of wrestling.  The ability to overcome adversity is what separates champions from everyone else.  Life can throw at me whatever it would like and it really will not stop me.  I know what is deserved and I see it in front of me and it will be mine.  Life will tread on you if you let it, stay strong, and stay focused.

Once again, this may not seem profound, but sometimes it is important to be reminded.

-Phil

A Movie

so I usually don't watch movies...that's the honest truth.  I often am disappointed after watching them.  So I stopped going to the theater and all that jazz.  But recently I caught the movie August Rush.  I don't know how many of you have seen it, but it's a beautiful movie.  I must admit, I'm a bit biased because it is all about music.

The movie helped me find more out about myself...forever, I've not been able to really put into words what goes on in my head with music.  This movie made me think about it.  I remember during my bar mitzvah that the Rabbi  mentioned that what separated me from other people is that I walk around and when I hear a noise it is not recognized as noise but as music.  I hear a car horn and rather than not take notice of it...I hear and think hmm key of E major.  This movie demonstrates that.  when I walk I think about the rhythm and how we as humans naturally fall into stride with each other.  Music is me and I am music. When there is nothing else there is music. I've always said that if it got to a point where I had absolutely nothing left...I would have music and no one will ever strip me of it.

Right now, I'll be blunt - I'm in a rough patch.  I've never felt like that before.  My whole life I've been chipper and carried a smile and bright eyes.  But things have been tough in the last couple of months.  I take it as part of the "artists' struggle" that I must go through.  My trial by fire, if you will, to make it to greatness.  I keep my head up and see only the goal ahead of me and that goal is as simple as I want to share the music that flows through me with you.  I want you all to see what I see.  Hear what I hear and most of all...feel what I feel.  If you can listen to my music and feel what I felt then I've done my job.  The music is what guides me.

I have a sick feeling in my stomach and have had it the last couple of days.  It feels like a void, an actual emptiness in the pit of my stomach, an aching if you will.  And I've tried to fill it through different things...girls, friends, family - they all help but ultimately they are not the answer.  The only thing that stops it, is music.  Now I know some people once again are going to read this and think, "wow, Phil, are you really that sad", honestly - I don't think so.  like I said, I've got music and I realize now that it is all I need.  Music fills that void.

I've been up since four this morning, completely unable to sleep, so I went downstairs and began writing a piece.  This was different the normal.  It was not a beat, or song.  It was a piece of music from deep within fully orchestrated.  It is not finished and will not be for a while, but at some point today I'm going to post up the clip of what I did.  I hope that you'll all take a moment out of your day to hear it and let me know what you think.  And if you ever get a chance see the movie August Rush....you may look at music a different way and you might even get a glimpse of what is going on in my head...I wish I could explain.

-Phil

This goes out to you...and you...and you...yeah and maybe you...

It has been a very long while since I've written anything on my blog so I thought I'd stop by and talk about what I've been thinking about the last couple of days.

This post will most likely be my most honest thus far.

I've come to a realization.  Simply put, I suck at dealing with girls/woman, but I've been trying to figure out why.  There are countless girls I've fallen for, and when I fall, I fall hard.  I'm the definition of hopeless romantic.  But to make it worse, I'm just awful at talking to girls.  Here's the thing.  I've written countless poems that can put my sentiment into such beautiful poems, only to keep them stashed away, never to be seen by the eyes of those intended.  I know that I have all the right things to say, but don't know how to put them when it comes to the actual delivery.  I can never bring myself to truly say what I'm feeling.  I think this has to do a lot with me being a musician...crazy I know, but hear me out.  I honestly think I can pretty good with words, but what I can do with words is nothing in comparison to what I can do in music.  Music allows me quite literally to directly channel any feeling at any given moment into my playing.  When I improvise it is coming directly from my heart out through my fingers, with little or no stopping at my brain. (I realize that isn't possible neuroscience people) If you were to watch me play you could very much understand what I'm feeling at that given moment.  When it comes to words...they get stuck in my head.  I have to actually think rather than go by feel and thinking leads to  self-doubt, which leads me to stumbling across each word.  I end up burying myself so much worse than I need to.

To be fair, you girls don't make it very easy. It's a game trying to figure out whether to tell you what you want to hear or what you need to hear.  It kinda isn't fair to have to worry that each word I write may either freak a girl out or not come on strong enough or way too strong.  I'm straight forward, no games, no other crap.  But don't let that be mistaken as me looking to get into the pants of every girl.  The fact of the matter is I believe that each opportunity you have to meet someone new is a great one.  You can learn so much from someone else and so I think it is valuable to take even just a moment to see what this person has to say.  If you feel it, then who knows where that may lead.  If you don't, then no biggie, but there's no need to go cold shoulder on somebody.

I swear this is not me whining about all this, merely observing....well observing myself.  I kinda remind myself of Chris Farley in Tommy Boy, during the scene where he's talking about making a sale, using a biscuit as metaphor for a pet and he destroys it...yea I feel like that sometimes.  But I really don't want anyone to read this and be like - damn Phil, you sad like a depressed individual, cause it's really not like that at all.  Keep trucking - and if you're stuck at one spot, then on to the next one.  Don't let life stagnate.

These have been the wise words of Phil Silverberg, brought to you in part by Snuggie....yea...

By the way, keep an eye out for The Dreamcatchers in 2010...nuff said.

-Phil

Blakroc

I dunno if anyone has been paying attention but Dame Dash (one of the masterminds behind Rocafella) has linked up with the Black Keys to for a new project named Blakroc....the record was released today.  To be honest, I've been highly anticipating this release.  So far I've only listened to the first song and I plan to listen to the rest immediately.  At some point I will definitely be writing a review, but right now I'm telling you to go buy this record anyways.  This is the next step in the evolution of music.  Basically you're combining hard rock with hard hip hop. So, it goes hard....very hard.  I'm very excited.  Go get your copy now.


Enjoy

-Phil